Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
