my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
