please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
