she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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