he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
