Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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