my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize