Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
