Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
