The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
