My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
