I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
