I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
