The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
