The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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