It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
