I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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