i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
