Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
