i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
