No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
