yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my sisters under your porch take her home
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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