A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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