i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
