She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
