I just threw up on my dentist
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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