i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
