apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize