So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
