That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
