I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
