Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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