i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
