I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
