1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
