the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
