just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I need to stop coming to work sober
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
