we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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