i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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