If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
