don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
