His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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