How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
