i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
