I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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