I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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