turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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