I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize