my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
