i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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