i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
