At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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