I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
