that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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