If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
