come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
