Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
