no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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