dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
