If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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