my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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