Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
