Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
