No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
50% drunk capacity currently
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
