did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
